Unlike my first time around at college I am not here to make friends. That may sound somewhat callous but the fact of the matter is that when I am on campus I am attending class, studying or doing homework. I try to get as much as I possibly can done while I'm at school so that I can spend my free time with Alexander and my friends or practicing guitar and taking care of things at home. When time is all you own you spend it very wisely. Usually this means that I spend extremely little of it socializing with other students. Regardless I am getting to know some people and occasionally I will spare a few minutes to chat.
CC is a very diverse crowd. It's refreshing considering I spent almost the last decade of my life surrounded by a rather homogeneous crowd. I was beginning to feel a little too sheltered and was excitedly nervous for the opportunity to have some contact with someone other than a middle to upper middle class, educated person who was working full time and regularly attends church. Don't misunderstand me, I love the folks in my life who fit that description; they are fantastic people. But if you can help it, I think it's always good to associate with others from all different walks of life. It keeps things interesting and helps you to understand the whole of humanity better (I'm oversimplifying it of course, but roll with me).
Human beings are creatures of habitual comfort zones. We don't like change, and we all prefer what's familiar and easily understandable. I am no exception. It takes a concerted effort to get outside of one's comfort zone and most of the time it takes an even greater effort to find a good reason as to why we should even bother. It's not easy, after all. But I find that when I have made the effort the benefits have far outweighed the initial awkwardness. I try to keep that in mind and as a result I am not easily rattled by folks who walk different paths than me. If they are anything like me (and let's face it, we are all far more similar than we care to admit) any flamboyancy a person who is different from me may possess is most likely bravado. Usually, if you can look past it, there is a very similar, simple person underneath with the same kinds of hopes, fears, struggles and longings. Usually then end up being pretty interesting and you can learn something from them, too.
However, as I mentioned before, I will admit to finding different people slightly intimidating at times. It's natural and I'm human, so I extend myself some grace in that area, deciding that at least having a willingness to try is worth more. For me the people I wonder about the most are those who are severely antagonistic towards God. It's been a while since I've known any. In Christian circles and in our worship services, congregation meetings and Bible studies you hear much about the importance of sharing your faith and telling others about Jesus (there is something to be said about sharing your faith amongst other believers, and I feel that area of sharing faith isn't focused on nearly enough, but that's another blog entry). And that's what scary.
For some reason most Christians I know, including myself, find it hard to talk about the very God we claim to love so much. Honestly I can understand why; the whole world is tilted against us and it's easy to worry about what to say and how you'll sound and what the consequences will be. I myself have pondered those very things many times (I think it can be especially hard for people pleasers like myself because we don't like to upset others). But Jesus commands that we share what He has done for us, and really when something is so important to us we should be able to talk about it and in fact not really be able to not talk about it. I am not that great at sharing my faith. But it's something I want to get better at. And something that I know to be true, in the deepest part of my soul, is that anything God commands us to do, He will help us to do. Granted, it may be a process of growth as most things in life are (spiritual matters are NOT an exception), but I have a deep conviction that God will not fail me in areas He wants me to be strong in. I know that if I ask Him to help me become better at talking about Him and Jesus to others, He will do so.
And so I feel anxiously excited about how God will answer that prayer. I've certainly come across many people here in the past month who don't seem to claim Christ. And I've met a few who seem to claim Christ. Mostly I have been watching, waiting and listening, praying from time to time when I hear certain things spoken. In Craig Gross's new book Jesus Loves You, This I Know, his overall theme is that any meeting you have with any person, Christian or not, is an opportunity to love them and to show them God's love. That's it. Really it takes the pressure off when I remember that Jesus does the changing of a person's heart, not me. I am commanded to share. I am not commanded to convince. It also helps when I remember that I don't need to defend God. I don't need to protect the Bible, and I don't need to defend God's honor (I think someone who placed the stars in the heavens and carved out the ocean's bed can take care of himself). All I am commanded to do is love and share.
Everyday I come to school I spend a little time in the student commons of the music building. I have a locker in that building I keep my guitar in. A group of regulars hangs out there during various parts of the day and many of them are becomming familiar to me. One such student is a young man who has spoken somewhat vehemently against the church on a few occasions. Since none of his comments were directed at me I haven't spoken up about anything he's said. I feel sorrow in my heart over the things he has said, but also knew that trying to talk to him during those times could have possibly turned into an argument that would have done more harm than good. And so I have watched, listened, waited and prayed.
Today when I walked into the student commons he was sitting at one of the tables with some of the other students and he was tearing bits of pages out of a small Gideon's Bible that some men had passed out on campus a few weeks earlier. He held it up to me and asked, "Have you had your daily dose of fairytales today, miss?"
I smiled and replied as I walked to my locker, "I don't think they're fairytales."
He snorted and dropped his head to the table. His friends laughed. And nothing more was said.
I left the room, marveling at how the Holy Spirit had dropped the words into my mouth for me. I do not know if more extensive dialogue will develop out of what happened today, but I know I don't need to be concerned with the results. When God gives the opportunity my job is to pull weeds, maybe plant a seed, and let the master be concerned with the growth. And regardless, one thing is for certain:
Jesus loves you, this I know.
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