Last Saturday my father called to tell me that my grandmother, his mom, had passed away during the night. It wasn’t at all unexpected. She was 92 and living in a nursing home. I did not have much of a relationship with my grandmother. Not because there were any sort of hard feelings. Far from it. She was a fine woman who raised seven kids all by herself in a rural area of North Carolina (my dad grew up on a cotton and tobacco farm). My dad would call her on Sundays and she would always tell me to “be sweet“. The lack of relationship was simply a matter of distance. She lived nearly 800 miles away. The last time I saw any of my father’s relatives was 8 years ago. So I really just did not know her. The feelings of sadness I had were completely due to the fact that I knew my father was hurting.
My grandmother’s health had been rapidly deteriorating for the past few years. My father told me that he was happy God took her home. That was not surprising. But what he asked me next was. He asked me if I wanted to go to the funeral.
I will admit that my first reaction was to say decline the invitation. Riding in a car for 13 hours to go see relatives I have no connection with for something as depressing as a funeral was not my idea of fun. However, I was the only family member available to travel with my dad. Alex pointed out that it would be a good opportunity for me to simply spend some with my father, and that since I was not employed I really didn’t have an excuse. I couldn’t argue with that. And really, how heartless would I have to be to make my dad go to his mother’s funeral by himself? I know that I sure would want someone I loved to come with me. Besides, the title of this blog is “Adventures in Unemployment”, and traveling across the country with my pops to have a close encounter of the relative kind sure fits that bill.
So on Sunday afternoon my dad drove over from the other side of the state to pick me up. It’s about a two and a half hour drive from GR to my folks‘ house. It did not take long for the ease with which I converse with my father to unfold. It’s something that I’m thankful for. We stopped for dinner at a Quizno’s and talked about random things. At one point we listened to a Dave Matthew’s Band CD and Dad’s conclusion was that he had heard better. We got back to my folks’ house and I was able to chat with my mom and show both of my parents the photos I had taken while in Mexico.
At 5am the following morning we hit the road. The trip in and of itself was pretty straight forward. We talked about many things: music, God, faith, careers, family, relationships. We rocked out to some top radio hits from the 70's and I exposed him to the melodic delights of U2, DMB, Ben Harper and Jars of Clay. At one point my built in ice cream radar had me choose a rest stop that just happened to have a Dairy Queen in it. I discovered that my mother isn't the only parent that has a penchant for the sweet, heavenly goodness of ice cream.
When we arrived at my grandmother's house my dad's oldest sister, my Aunt Mona, had already arrived up from Atlanta. There was an instant warmth about her towards me and I think it is largely due to the fact that she thinks of my dad kind of like her baby. She was 15 when my father was born and pretty much raised him because Grandma was working hard to earn money to care for them all.
My uncle Gene and aunt Silvia live in a double wide right next door to my grandmother's house. For the last five years it was they who cared for my grandmother before they moved her to a home. I love my uncle. He is the closest in age to my father and looks a lot like him. He has a handlebar mustache and usually wears a belt buckle big enough to be his ID. He loves to sing and is quite the story teller. He came over to say hello, but the reunion was short because we had to get to the funeral home for the viewing.
This is only the second time in my life I have seen a dead body. And actually it is the second time within the last year (the last one was a co-worker's elderly father). I had always been a little freaked out by dead bodies because they don't look natural. You can tell they aren't sleeping and something literally looks like it's missing. It is strange to think that only after death is a person's soul visible, and it's only visible because it's no longer there and you notice it's absence. I also have entirely too wild of an imagination and even though I know it's not going to happen I am sort of waiting in anticipation for the person to sit up and scare the living the daylights out of me (one too many zombie movies I guess). Thankfully that did not happen. Grandma actually looked pretty nice.
I stuck close to my dad's side during the viewing. I didn't know anyone else, really, although I was introduced to several people through the night. Oddly enough so was Dad. He met relatives he didn't even know he had, too. It seems that many people knew and loved Grandma. At one point during the evening I slipped outside to call Alex and he asked me if I was surrounded by a war party (for those of you who don't know my dad's side of the family is Cherokee).
After the viewing Dad and I were extremely hungry; we hadn't had any time to eat dinner before we left the house. We drove down the road to a nearby place called Smithfield's and bought some BBQ Pork Sandwiches. We sat up talking with my aunt for a little while before bed.
The next morning a woman from the funeral home actually came to Grandma's house with a limo and picked Aunt Mona, Uncle Gene, Aunt Silvia, Dad and me up. We went to Bethel Baptist Church (where Dad had gone to church as a kid) for the service. I was happy because the pastors who spoke really focused on the fact that this was only a temporary goodbye and we would see Maudie Lawson again on the other side of glory.
Dad and I were the only ones who stuck around to see the actual burial take place. I had never seen one before so I was curious, but for Dad it was about closure; for him it wasn't over until the earth was settled.
There was a small reception inside the church's fellowship with drinks and snacks, but it did not take long for things to wind down and soon we were on our way home. I was not sure what to expect from my relatives after the service, but no one was terribly wrought with anguish or grief. I think it's because Grandma had been on her way out for so long that there was more rejoicing than mourning in that day. She is finally whole and happy with Jesus.
My aunts and uncle took Dad and me to a real southern style buffet for lunch. I enjoyed some spectacular fried chicken and biscuits. After that we hung out at Grandma's house until later that evening when my Uncle Albert and his wife, Gayle, came over with their 4-year-old son, J.J. I ended up being on kid duty (thanks for volunteering me, Dad!) while everyone else listened to Uncle Gene read Grandma's will. The night ended with peach cobbler and some ice cream (YUM).
The next morning Uncle Gene and Aunt Silvia came over to have coffee and chat for a bit. It was really the first chance I had gotten to speak with them about something other than family affairs, and I appreciated the opportunity. Soon, though, Dad and I had packed the car and we were on our way back up to the mitten.
I like traveling with Dad. Here is a sample of how our navigating works:
-Check GPS for route
-Double check directions printed off from Yahoo
-Find discrepency between the two and pull out road map provided by AAA
-Decide to make up our own route and delight in tourturing the GPS
-Change our minds and decide to follow the GPS
-Check the map again and compare it with the Yahoo directions and decide to go with what Yahoo says
-Make a pit stop and find that once again my ice cream radar is functioning properly (Dairy Queen!)
-Check GPS for route and decide to make up our own
-Find out that Yahoo directions and GPS are actually agreeing and change our minds to follow them
-repeat
The cool function of the Garmin is that you can look up restaurants. Dad and I had been living off of fast food mostly so he decided that for dinner on the way home we need to eat at an actual restaurant. He said he felt like popcorn shrimp so i used the GPS to search for a Red Lobster. How cool is that? We had dinner in Toledo and made it back to GR around midnight.
I wasn't sure what to expect on my trip with my Dad. But I am so happy I went.
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