You're Gonna Need a Jumbo Bandaid For That One

Did you know that Americans love failure? Really, we do.

But only as the backdrop to success.

The people we hold up in high regard in this country are those who pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps out of terrible adversity and now have the money, the career, the happy family... those are our success stories. Rags to riches, ash piles to gold piles. Honestly I do not think that there is anything wrong with a good success story. Kinda gives me hope.

But what about just plain, painful, smacks-you-in-the-face failure? I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Those times in your life when you try to accomplish something and it ends horribly, like by epic proportions. And it's so bad that you really can't do anything but stick the mangled idea in the corner, hope you forget about it and that over time the stinging red mark left by your colossal belly flop won't hurt so much. Sometimes you just can't redeem certain things.

Usually, however, you can at least move forward. I've heard many people say that you're only a failure if you quit. Well, does that statement account for changing directions? Some might consider the fact that I decided not to keep pursuing graphic design after I was laid off as me having failed in the art field. The truth of the matter is that I'm being Icelandic about it.

Did you know that Iceland is considered to be one of the happiest places in the world? Seriously. A study was done about it recently. It's hard to believe considering that they live in darkness for half the year (sun doesn't come up in the winter time). It could be because they all drink a ton on the weekends (but if you touch even half a glass of Merlot during the week you're a lush), but I think it has a lot more to do with their typically close knit communities and a sense that it's perfectly acceptable to fail... and then not have to redeem it. It is unusual there for a person to have just one career all their life. People reinvent themselves many times over their lives, even well into their later years.

There is an old, extremely campy song that goes, "when you fall down, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again". The song is entirely too cheerful for the subject matter, especially because each time you fall down it gets harder and harder to get up. And after awhile your strength runs out.

Alex and I both have been feeling pretty exhausted lately. But I can say that God has been teaching us some truths during this time. Mostly that we don't have control over anything in our lives (not even our thoughts or speech) despite our best efforts, and that eventually our own strength isn't enough to get us through. Right now, we both just want to take a break (although it took me much more longer than him to admit that... God in His wisdom saw fit to not have me marry another energizer bunny; thanks God!). Alex put it perfectly. He said that the best thing for us to do right now is to rest in God's strength and wait on Him.

I'm an independent person. I was raised to take care of myself and figure things out on my own. I'm thankful for that, but it gets me in trouble from time to time. Mostly it makes me pushy. I gotta wonder if God is ever amused by me trying to bully Him. I know Alex isn't when I try to bully him. Resting and waiting is not something I'm very good at. I do like to pick myself up, dust myself off and start over again. And I like to do it RIGHT NOW.

But another song also plays in my ear:

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are still, when strivings cease
My comforter, my all in all
Here in the love of Christ I stand

I'm not very good at waiting. But God's word is full of instruction to do so. And God knows I'm not very good, so I don't at all find it surprising that this verse in Psalm 37 just came to my attention:

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways.

Pass the jumbo bandaids, please.

Big Prayer Sticks and a Piñata God

Every once in a great while something becomes abundantly clear to me about life and the way the world works. Most recently it is this:

God is not a pinata, my prayers are not a big stick, and He will not spill out goodies from heaven if I just beat hard enough.

It seems to me that most people think praying is like writing a letter to Santa Claus. All too often I have fallen into the trap of believing that good little Christian boys and girls always get what they want if they do all the right things, behave the way God wants us to, and pray hard enough.

What a lie.

Where exactly did we get this idea? And why is this "gospel of prosperity" is so prevalent in our culture? We belittle God when get angry at Him for not giving us what we want. We are like selfish, bratty children demanding our way and then throwing a tantrum when God doesn't get with the program. And yet, we do. I know I do.

I am going to be 100% honest and admit that I am a selfish person and I wish life were easy. I do not want to struggle, I do not want to feel pain. I want everything to be happy and fun all the time and live a life of blissful luxury. And somewhere along the line I was deceived into believing that God was supposed to supply all that to me. But if God were nothing more than a genie in a bottle, a servant whom bent to my every wish, whim and want... He would not be God, would He? I would. And I know that when I am demanding my own way and expecting God to get on board that is exactly what I am doing: I am attempting to reverse our roles.

Lately I have been greatly challenged with the question if prayer does not change God's mind or cause Him to act, then what is the point of praying? Have you ever wondered that? Even as I typed those words the extreme rebellious, control freak nature of the thought was revealed. WE change God's mind? WE cause God to act? Oh, our hearts have not changed since Eden! Here I am, thousands of years later still trying to be like God.

Up until recently I have been somewhat mystified by the concept of prayer. I tend to be very trusting of God's word and most often even if I don't understand something I do my best to take in on faith that if it's in the Bible then it must be true. Since the Bible is full of commands to pray at all times in seasons for all reasons, I would pray. I did not always understand why I should pray, just that God calls us to do so.

Because His word promises it, I believe that God always answers prayer. Perhaps you have heard before that God's answers are either yes, no or not now. Maybe you have heard that too much, but I encourage you to not dismiss it as cliche. And if you have never heard that before, I encourage you to consider it now. I can think of times in my life when God answered yes, and I can think of a few times in my life when God answered not now then said yes later. I can think of many, many more times when God said no. Recently God has been telling me no a lot.

Alex did not get into the Air Force.
Terry did not recover from her cancer.
Our friend Jeff did not survive his car wreck.

I don't understand why. I may never, ever know why. And yet I still believe that God is good and that He cares for me. How can I? Because He walks with me. So often when we pray it is to ask God to take away pain, for us to be able to avoid suffering. In some ways I don't think there is anything wrong with that desire. If a person enjoys pain they are usually suffering from and emotional/psychological disorder. No one who has a healthy mind wants life to be difficult. But the fact of the matter is that no one can escape pain and suffering. Not even Jesus.

And that is when prayer becomes precious. During the deep valleys of our life, when everything is crashing down and it feels like it is too much to bear, God is the only thing in all of creation that can get us through the pain.

I don't have the eloquence nor the ability to effectively unpack the reasons for prayer. Below you will find a link to a sermon from Mars Hill Church in Seattle by Pastor Mark Driscoll. Alex and I listened to it recently and through it God granted me a better understanding of what prayer is and why we should do it. I encourage you to listen to it. It's long, but it's worth it. Download it and listen to it in your car the next time you have a long drive somewhere.

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/pray-like-jesus/the-gethsemane-prayer

I will end by saying that I've come to understand that the purpose of prayer is not to make God get with my program, but to allow me to enter into His presence and have my will become aligned with His.

Why do you pray?